I Can't Stop!

I decide not to do it but I do it anyway! I can’t stop!

My relationships are suffering!

How can I change?

Christians attending church receive biblical instruction for daily living. We study and memorize Scripture, join prayer groups, attend Bible studies to learn how to live not according to the (flesh) - beliefs, values, and standards of the world, but according to the (Spirit) - God’s way and will for us.

However, we all know that very ingrained selfish patterns of thinking, relating, and acting, don’t die easily. The flesh, Satan, and the world are consistently working against us. The same apostle Paul experienced the power of sin sabotaging his spiritual life in spite of his best intentions. His deep frustration is expressed as follows –

I’ve tried everything and nothing helps. I am at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn’t that the real question?

The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does.

Romans 7:24-25. (The Message)

Many would say –if Paul couldn’t stop the wrong he didn’t want to do, how can I? Please, don’t miss Paul’s delight when he declares-

The answer, thank God, is that Christ can and does. (The Message)

Thanks be to God-through Jesus Christ our Lord! (NIV)

The power of Christ in us does the work! How do we learn to yield to Christ so that His power may work in us? Paul helps us see how this yielding can take place. He writes -

You’ve all been to the stadium and seen the athlete’s race. Everyone runs; one wins. Run to win. All good athletes train hard. They do it for a gold medal that tarnishes and fades. You are after one that’s gold eternally. I don’t know about you, but I am running hard for the finish line. I am giving everything I’ve got. No sloppy living for me! I am staying alert and in top condition. I am not going to get caught napping… 1 Corinthians 9:24-27. (The Message).

Running hard! Giving everything I’ve got! Paul, you are too fanatic!

Paul tells us the reason for serious concentration. He writes-

The world is unprincipled. It’s dog-eat-dog out there! The world doesn’t fight fair. But we don’t live or fight our battles that way – never have and never will. The tools of our trade are not for marketing or manipulation; they are for demolishing that entire massively corrupt culture. We use our powerful God-tools for smashing warped philosophies, tearing down barriers erected against the truth of God, fitting every loose thought and emotion and impulse into the structure of life shaped by Christ. Our tools are ready at hand for clearing the ground of every obstruction and building lives of obedience into maturity. 2 Corinthians 10:3-6 (The Message).

Human personality apart from Christ’s power and our response to "His very great and precious promises" (2Peter 1:4) is totally inadequate to confront deep struggles of the soul. Human methods and strategies won’t work. This is why psychology and secular counseling don’t do more than behavioral modification.

Only the love of Christ can heal and redeem the human soul. A redeemed person who "sets in his heart Christ as Lord" (1 Peter 3:15), yields to Christ so He can do what he can’t do it on his own.

How do you stop or attack any sin in your life? Choose Jesus. Respond to His passion for you? Is He worthy of your utmost attention and affection?

Let me quote one strategy that John Piper, author of "Desiring God", suggests for fighting lust or any sin –

"Enjoy a superior satisfaction. Cultivate the capacities for pleasure in Christ. One reason lust (any sin) reigns is so many is that Christ has so little appeal. We default to deceit because we have little delight in Christ… What steps have you taken to waken affection for Jesus?… You were created to treasure Christ with all your heart – more than you treasure sex or sugar. If you have little taste for Jesus, competing pleasures will triumph. Plead with God for the satisfaction you don’t have: "Satisfy us in the morning with your steadfast love that we may rejoice and be glad all our days" (Psalm 90:14). Then look, look, look at the most magnificent Person in the Universe until you see the way He is".

His grace is available. Choose the most magnificent Person in the Universe over deceitful desires. Yield to Him and watch Him work in you and through you.Watch your relationships heal.

(More on this subject in Letter Seven of my book "Letters From Your Father God")

Send comments to mayagraves@yahoo.com

Are you your own? Who owns you?

The truth that we were created by love and in the image of God is a glorious truth. The truth that every aspect of the human personality has been distorted as the result of the Fall is an unpleasant truth. However, indifference or ignorance concerning the true condition of one’s soul is to live with a serious delusion. “I am a good person” “I like to help others” “I believe in God” are statements people make to relieve anxiety and guilt while still clinging to self-sufficiency and pride.

We like to hold on very tightly to beliefs, perceptions, desires… that seem right to us and suit our independent life-style. Proverbs 14-12 says - There is a way which seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death. Years ago, James 2:20 hit me hard -You believe in God, you do well; the demons also believe and tremble.

Recently, reading Surprised by Joy, the biography of C.S. Lewis, I came across George Macdonald’s frightening quote -The principle of hell is – “I am my own”. With eloquent and brutal honesty, Lewis exposes the pride and rebellion of his soul. Before his conversion, he treasured many idols and with passion disliked the notion of a God who might interfere with his heart’s desires. Lewis records…I had always wanted, above all things, not to be “interfered with”. I had wanted (mad wish) “to call my soul my own.”

The natural human heart dislikes God’s activity in our life, has no desire for God or the things of God. We all have “gone astray” (Isaiah 53:6). According to Jeremiah 17-9 the heart is more deceitful than all else and is desperately sick…

Even after conversion we can remain attached to self and the world, dissatisfied, yet detached from God’s heart, His Word, and His people. We may believe in God and be active in Christian work without loving Him and others deeply. I need to be reminded that – the only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love (Galatians 5:6).

In His mercy and grace, the Lord works in us so that we may experience Him as the Lover of our hearts and the Healer of our souls. He longs to own our hearts first, then, He gives us genuine love and power to engage in good deeds with Him and for His glory.

Do you not know…that you are not your own? For you have been bought with a price…1 Cor. 6:19-20.

Thus says the Lord, your Creator…I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are Mine!
Isaiah 43-1

• Are you affected by the Lord’s passionate love for you?

• What would be the evidence that the Lord owns you?

More Than Psychotherapy

• Why do I feel empty, insecure, anxious, hopeless, have no purpose in life?
• Why do I continually struggle with my relationships?
• Why do I keep doing the same thing over and over again?
• I don’t know who I am. I don’t love myself. I need help!

Over the years, people who come to my clinical practice ask me these questions in different ways. They are seeking help to be able to understand their personal and interpersonal conflicts. Clearly, they feel disconnected from themselves and others. They are truly hurting. Their life functioning has been affected.

Except for cases where medical conditions are the cause of peoples’ struggles, I strongly believe that the mental, emotional, and behavioral conflicts of human beings are connected to deep spiritual needs. These spiritual needs or longings are God-given longings.

Every human being experiences the longing to love and to be loved, and the longing to have meaning and purpose in life. Often, these powerful longings drive human beings to all kinds of pursuits and away from God, the source of true love, power, and purpose. In His grace, God reaches out to people in different ways – appeals to their pain and disappointments to make them aware of their inner thirst and need of Him. Some of us confront our empty soul, change thinking habits (repent), and accept the Lord’s invitation to find rest for our souls -

If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him (John 7:37).

However, Christians who don’t grow in Christ and allow Him to satisfy all their needs, can easily go back to their old ways and become thirsty and emotionally driven souls - digging their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water (Jeremiah 2:13).

Over twenty years ago, my own thirsty soul and existential questions led me to Jesus for meaningful answers. I found that the Bible, the Manual for instruction and wisdom on how to live a fulfilling life, speaks with authority and sufficiency to all people.

I realized that at best, Freud’s words, thoughts, and theories helped me analyze my own and other peoples’ conflicts, but they did not provide adequate answers to fill the empty innermost being. I became convinced that –

God’s Word is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart - Hebrews 4:12.

I was also convinced that –
All Scripture is God-breathed and useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting, and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work -1 Timothy 3:16.

God’s grace and knowledge based on God’s Word redirected my intellect, and the totality of my life experience including my clinical work.

God understands the deep cries of the human soul. He provides a way to connect us back with Himself, with our own self, and with others. Jesus Christ’s work on the cross speaks eternal love to the human heart. As we study His Word and cooperate with the Holy Spirit, we enter in a journey of faith based on knowledge. This journey leads us to enjoy God and to seek godly pursuits.

God uses discomfort, disappointment, losses and pain to help people look at their inner life, their deeper needs so they can make serious changes concerning beliefs, affections, emotions, will, and actions.

Significant mental, emotional, and spiritual wholeness is more than behavioral modification and requires more than psychotherapy. It requires God’s intervention.
He pursues us with passion and speaks to us through life’s circumstances to teach us truth about love, grace, forgiveness, peace, security, power and purpose.

Seeing ourselves, others, and life through God’s perspective (His Word), we learn to accept ourselves, give up unrealistic expectations, stop seeking or demanding perfection. We don’t endure life, we see it as a gift. We learn to receive and offer forgiveness. Our priorities, habits, desires, attitudes change substantially.

When our wounded hearts are touched by God’s love, our relational struggles decrease significantly. Pain, disappointment, and conflict are viewed as opportunities to trust the Lord at a deeper level. We become increasingly aware of Christ’s presence in our life and willing to impact peoples’ lives with truth and grace.

My commitment as a professional Christian counselor is to help my clients find solutions for their struggles in principles based on the authority of God’s Word. With the help of the Holy Spirit, I work with them to address and resolve issues of their inner life. I believe in promoting Christian character and healthy relationships that honor the Lord and demonstrate the power of the Gospel.

Change your life by letting Christ change the way you think!

So here is what I want you to do, God helping you. Take your everyday, ordinary life_ your sleeping, eating, going to work, and walking around life - and place it before God as an offering.
Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you. Romans 12:1-2. The Message.

· Your quality of life is determined by the quality of your thoughts (beliefs). “You are what you think”. God’s Word corrects people’s mental distortions. A habit of reflecting on God’s Word, renews and re-orders a person’s thinking patterns.

· Your thoughts (beliefs) determine your emotions. What happens to you, or the circumstances that you face on a moment by moment basis, do not create your emotions. Your emotions are the result of how you interpret every thing that happens to you.
Healthy thinking habits generate healthy feelings and desires, even when you face difficulties and disappointment. You may not feel happy, or get what you want, but you will feel God’s joy, presence, peace, and hope.

· Finally, your emotions determine your actions and behaviors. Self-centered choices and behaviors are the result of distorted thinking and feelings of pride, fear, anger, guilt, shame….Christ-centered choices and behaviors are the result of renewed thinking (beliefs), of choosing to let Christ affect your mind, heart, will, and behavior.

You create your life experiences and ultimately your destiny!
Choose to let Jesus change you by changing the way you think!

Letters From Your Father God - Press Release

Letters From My Father
Christ-centered counseling takes an epistolary format

LONGWOOD, FL— What if you could correspond with God on a daily basis? What if your mailbox was a portal to the Almighty? Maya Graves’s narrative, Letters from Your Father God ($12.99, paperback, 1-60034-254-X), is the epistolary equivalent of receiving a letter from God. The 10 letters contained within reflect principles, guidelines, thoughts, and feelings that God wants to express to burdened seekers—letters that challenge us to develop spiritual understanding and Christian maturity.

Says Graves, “This book leads people to implement biblical knowledge in specific life situations and conflicts. Readers will see that every circumstance in their lives has a spiritual meaning. They may come to the realization that psychological conflicts are related to spiritual needs. People who connect biblical truth to daily living find peace, power, and purpose in their life.”

The material found in the accompanying workbook portion of Letter from Your Father God has already been tested in Graves’s private Christian psychotherapy practice—with much success. The individuals, couples, and families that come to her seeking solutions to their psychological problems and spiritual needs experience emotional and spiritual healing and growth as they complete the carefully designed practical assignments. “Behavioral modification has provided them with partial help,” says Graves. “Christ-centered counseling, which my book promotes, directs people to long-lasting solutions for their emotional and spiritual conflicts.”

Maya Graves is a licensed psychotherapist in private practice in Houston. She and her husband, Tom, have been married for 27 years. They have one married daughter.

Xulon Press is the world’s largest Christian publisher, with more than 2,700 titles published to date. Retailers may order Letters from Your Father God through Ingram Book Company and/or Spring Arbor Book Distributors.